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If you like me,
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Annalisa
Bitter Girl
Sooz
Green Fairy
Jay
Jeanette Winterson
Jen Langley
Maganda
Zeldman
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August 20, 2003
Okay. So it's settled. I signed the lease on my apartment. I am Officially a Tenant in the People's Republic of Cambridge now. I love my new neighbors. There's a Portuguese family who's lived in the cul de sac for about 50 years, and the 78-year-old grandfather is a hoot.
He told me the whole story of why it is that he is the Official Distributor of Parking Permits for our block—a quite amazing story, actually, which involved betrayal, suicide, unhealthy mother-obsession, forged documents, bloody floors, and several trips down to the Cambridge courthouse.
Remember that whole "You might be a redneck if..." phenomenon a few years back? Here's the Masshole.com version: You might be a Bostonian if...
And since we just can't get enough of that meme (remember this one? "I've fallen and I can't get up!"), here's my take on it:
- You ever suggested starting a commitee
- You regularly use the phrases "sustainable," "grass-roots," and "process-oriented"
- You have ever belonged to a cooperative
- You gave up your car for a bicycle
- Your computer, internet access, and electronic gadgets cost more than your furniture
- You computer, cable modem router, and electronic gadgets are on the floor next to your futon, which is also on the floor
- You spend more on international travel and magazine subscriptions than you do on your wardrobe or housewares
- You know what a smoot is
- You have ever attended a protest to end world hunger, military action, or the expansion of the MIT or Harvard campuses
- Your child goes to a school that promotes racial, social, and gender equality
- You live in one of the few integrated communities in the metro Boston area
- You say Somerville isn't that bad, but pray in your heart that you never have to move across the city line
- You pay exhorbitant rent to live in a house that is 200 years old with faulty plumbing and dangerous wiring
- You know how the MBTA bus system works
- You can find your way from Kendall Square to Fresh Pond without ever hitting a major intersection
- You can find free entertainment every night of the week for the next six weeks
- You know at least three places where you can check your email for free
- You know how to find parking in Harvard Square, Inman Square, Central Square, and don't even bother trying to find it in Kendall Square during business hours
- You understand that a square usually has between three and five sides
- You know exactly where to swerve to miss the potholes on Memorial Drive
- You are a preferred customer at REI, EMS, or Wild Women Outfitters
- You ever majored in computer science, quantum physics, or artificial intelligence, and then ended up with a job as a community organizer
- You have attended or participated in a poetry slam
- You mourn the loss of New Words bookstore
- You've waited for more than 20 minutes for a seat at the S&S on a Sunday morning
- You laugh when you see a bumper sticker that says "Don't blame me, I'm from Massachusetts"
- You spit when you hear the name Mit Romney mentioned
- You spit when you hear the names Barnes & Noble, Borders, or Amazon.com mentioned
- You have experimented with any of the following: homosexuality, bisexuality, heterosexuality, asexality, pansexuality, metrosexuality, polyamory, or Linux
- You consider anything west of the Beltway to be Western Massachusetts
- You understand that I95 and 128 are the same road, except when they're not
- You have ever vacationed in Costa Rica, Nicaragua, or Vietnam
- You have ever had sex while listening to NPR
- You have ever participated in a Citizens of the World tour
- You consider NPR to be too conservative, and listen exclusively to Pacifica News
- You have ever consumed an entire meal of Indian food while speaking on a cell phone
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