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Prosies







< ? bostonites # >

My company regularly sends thousands of people to Europe, Asia, Africa, and other parts of the world. They send staff members along on these group tours for free, "for product knowledge." But they've never sent me. Every fucking member of my team has been, but not me. I was actually scheduled to depart for Rome on September 17, 2001. But we all know what happened six days before then.

About this I feel angry and resentful. It's not exactly their fault that September 11 happened, but who said that resentment was about logic?

One way or another, I'm going to Europe this year. It just looks like I'm going to have to pay for it myself.

What bothers me more than not getting to go to Europe for free, though, is feeling like I don't belong. I'm not at ease in this culture. I do pretty well at blending in -- I "fit" well enough to have survived the layoffs. I'm just not "one of them" and I never will be. The differences are subtle: I grew up in the projects, not the suburbs. I don't drink alcohol, which the company supplies in large amounts in order to keep people happy.

I'm passionate about controversial causes, like the unequal distribution of wealth in the world, gay rights, and the oppression of religious minorities. And—worst of all—I'm a woman who likes to sleep with other women. The corporation offers same-sex domestic partner benefits and has plenty of gay men on staff, but as far I know, I'm the token lesbian (lesbian-identified bisexual, that is). You try sharing office space with women who are all getting married, have friends who are getting married, having babies, or who have friends who are having babies. It's not that I don't like hearing about that stuff, but I don't think they want to hear about my weekend in Provincetown or the open mike I attended on Saturday.

It just makes me angry, is all. I'd like to be part of the club, but I'm not.